Tuesday, July 20, 2004

A question in asawa forum was raised: Internet relationships...why?

I posted this response:

from a Filipina's viewpoint (specifically mine) :

I dated several local men while I was still a widow, most of them I met at the clinic or through texting (referred by some other friends). Found them all boring and arrogant just because they were professionals [beyond their professions, they were quite BOBO (stupid)], such that talking about subjects outside of our jobs (which were not related), we had nothing else we could talk about.

I started chatting in Dec 2000 (a friend introduced it to me), met some a**holes but also few good men who could hold long conversations with me despite difficulty in typing (on their part). Emails revealed more of the inner person. Chatting with webcam verified the identity (and the almost real-time conversation further verified that no one else was doing the previous correspondences) without endangering myself bye premature meeting in person. I developed an emotional attachment to one man at a particular time (I tried 3 times, long-distance relationship plus meeting in person, before I chose the man with whom to spend the rest of my life with) which I misconstrued as being in love with him.

Why the internet? Physical attraction thru photos was the initial step. Building trust and confidence on the person through a long period of endless emails and chat were another. The net KEPT ME SAFE against being a prey to men who would be itching to take advantage of a vulnerable widow. It gave me the option to give my contact details or not, and such things I only gave when I trusted the person enough to try meeting him in person. When the actual meeting (which was most often another test about the sincerity of the man, the costs and the trouble of meeting me being quite a hurdle) proved the internet relationship futile, the men I trusted were graceful enough to accept the fate (the end) of our relationship (which also proved to myself that I had a good judgment of character) and happily accepted a friendly relationship with me (mainly because they have deep respect for me) and wished me luck in my search.

The net also gave me more options. In the Philippines, being a widow with two kids (single parent) was already a factor to lower my value, despite the status of being a doctor granted to a woman. Having the looks to fool men into perceiving me as a single (unmarried) woman, many would be discouraged upon learning about my two sons, or would try to just have a non-comittal relationship (but I was not into that). That left me with not much choice among local men. The NET was an ocean full of fishes, and I actually learned that having children did not present as a hindrance to finding a good man worldwide; rather, it lifted my status (one man quoted "finding a beautiful woman is hard, a beautiful wife even harder, and a beautiful mom the hardest"). And because the net was a fast-paced communication tool, many things about the person could be learned in such a short time (which amazed me then). Emails presented an opportunity to see consistency, and reading between the lines also gave insightful info into the personality of the sender. Chatting provided the chance to gentle interrogation that often catches the other person off-hand. As such it has been a viable avenue for building trust and an emotional attachment so strong, it could only be fathomed by those of US WHO HAVE ACTUALLY UNDERGONE THE SAME EXPERIENCE.

This is no exaggeration. I am talking based on my own experience, and in no way trying to convince you to do the same in search of a mate. It's up to you to make your choice as to the method of finding a mate. One thing for sure, the net is a better place to look for one rather than the bar.

No comments: